I regret to inform that my problems with item numbers are mostly aesthetic.

If the woman is there merely because she is 'hot', and cannot dance but only shake her assets rather stiffly, I object. Then I do a bit of an eye-roll at the 'she is being objectified' stuff. If she dances like a box, what else is one to look at? Take Aishwarya Rai in Kajra Re, one hell of a favorite. The woman oozes all the courtesan come-hither without the camera having to repeatedly zoom in on her chest. Please.

My other problem is with the audience. Not the jacking off in inexpensive north delhi theaters, though of course that is sincerely pathetic—not to mention disgusting to the victim (woman in the vicinity). But more importantly that Ranbir Kapoor's attempt was one-off, a joke, and thoroughly lacking in either skin-show or come-hither. The chillar party's verdict on that one is endorsed wholeheartedly, though Salman's waxed-and-bulging pecs are hardly to be eagerly awaited (except by the boys).

If sex must be used to sell the song-and-dance sequence, which in turn is meant to sell the film, so be it. But a thing or two must be learnt from women—Madhuri Dixit in particular—about wordless seduction, despite complete powerlessness in every other respect. Of course, classes will only mushroom across the metros when it becomes a viable career option: awareness drives, trafficking, moral degradation and all.